Rule 40# Would it really be?

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Breached Rule No 4#

“Clock ticks life away, don’t look back, they’re gaining up on you”.

Breached Rule No 8#

“Do whatever it takes, if it’s what you’ve always believed in”

Breached rule No 11#

“Dont start what you cant finish”

Breached rule No13#

“Never let your heart speak for itself”.

Breached rule No 14#

“Don’t try to keep what’s believed is real, like nature, they’d come by”

Breached rule No 15#

“ After all the fucks, go home”

Breached rule No 20#

“Cant.stop.wont.stop”

Breached rule No 21#

“Future responsibilities/concerns, will not diminish present joy”

Breached rule No 23#

“Give thanks; even when its kills you”

Breached rule No 30#

“Nothing stops you, Michelle Lee.

Breached rule No 36#

“ To the world whom i cared most, i’ve got you”

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Perhaps i need time to go back and find all the reasons why the “bible” was made in the first place, and of all the times I’ve breached them, i knew ways to pick myself back up, fix em. It’s till when one gave love a chance where all before my eyes- paused/ did not matter. Forgetting reality, expectations and responsibilities is when it starts to change the person after it all hits, realising all em deeds undone, yet blindly content to what’s felt. My body has been letting me down lately, with minor control over them. I knew why. I knew who i really was, and when i said “your well being reflects mine”, with no reason, i believed it did, and always has been.

I tried a getaway, but rule 11# kept on coming. Outburst on the 13th of November 2010; 18:00. There was a “storm” after days of “rain”. This is when she breached Rule 13# Cause i knew deep down, i was a sensitive lil jolly everyone used to love, till i stopped believing in it. They use to tell me “love a person, and they’d love u back, care, respect everyone around you, and it’ll mirror” & since then, as simple as those words, locked away and became actions used on who I believed worthy. It scared me, when so many rules made from the long past has "coincidentally" related to my current welfare...

It’s hard when humanity relied on memories to keep at their reasons in keepin on. Rule 4#, i took a peak, a week worth of it- i was right that time when i made this rule. Just looking back did ticked my life away, as I waited for something.. no one knew what or where, people grew and done so much, and i was ere stuck, tryin to restore my body back- that’s all it takes, looking back to get it all falling. Rule 31# said: “you’re forgetful, if that’s what it takes to block out what needs not remembering.” My body adapted well. I guess i ran out of tears to strain from. Pills don’t help anymore. Sleep only made me more tired, but the least, it killed time, escapism like vendetta, masked.

For the first, i don’t know what to feel or how. I knew I always had answers, but this one might ruin me. When i said to myself “ i couldn’t do this anymore”. I knew i couldn't . i Couldn’t do the damage on others , not another single soul. Cause i cared enough to rather reflect those aches back to myself to mend em slowly. It’s just not fair if i kept on. It just doesn’t do them justice. But my life so far have been -lows, so for me it’s okay, I don’t matter. So when i said, i’ll go, i hope it doesn’t feel as bad to you than as being my selfish self.

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He said : “ love isn’t about owning someone or having a r/ships, it’s about being happy, because u know you've loved someone.”. I don’t know what to feel.

And He said:” cause failures not an option, it has never played upon me...if i die trying then i died peacefully knowing that i tried...” . I don’t know how to feel either.

Drealvler, teach me how, and what’s the answers to this dilemma.

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"the Contradictory works".

.Lying to truth is simple.
.Lying to one self haunts.
How I do it? I'd lie to truth to keep on.
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But when reality spoke louder and trying to snap
u out of ur own brainwashing, you just gotta scream
those words back to let it bury itself.Lies are words too.

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[TRUTH,as it is]
simply denied to keep on

1# ‘Cause for the first time I don’t see flux in this, the feeling will always be there. 2# And “We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness” , perhaps a million, not overnight...; 3# The future always seemed close, too close, too filled, like we’d never know. 4# the people in them, did try...change-too fast, like- do i deserve this? Perhaps 5# “deceiving note-to-self” isn’t all a lie. Cause it have always been the case.  6# have you ever felt that everything was possible? That stories did came from somewhere, and imaginations were long thoughts formed by ourselves? 7# a “want” and a “need” differ, a need covers the sincere reason to achieving the want.” I don’t need, i want. Not because i had to, its because I wanted to.”- lvl08. 8# Feeling home is something we can’t built, see , touch, or grasp, its transparent, and it lingers. There’s just not enough bricks to built that perfect feeling, so i used to say “just be home soon”- so just be yourself again, with me.
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Lying to truth is simple.
.Lying to one self haunts.So, to the system,
it may take time, but install all these in you.
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1# All is flux, but I’m not an experiment.

2# It takes an overnight realization to keep on,

long dreams may linger, but be soon forgotten.
3# To the future, its blank, so don’t try making one.
4# Men and women don’t change. So does humanity.

5#You're at your best without the burdens I've become.
6# Stories remain fictional, dreams remains as imaginations.
7# We never wanted each other, all can be done without.

8# There not enough homes to have one waiting on another.

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This is the part where we knew truth were reasons to keep on, in reverse,
to give up,whats in the system determines your direction, mine depends on
how well i deceive myself, and for how long i can sustain upon believing
  in them. Cause its okay, i don't matter, so for the world- till you realized that
all these self persuasion were to keep me being fine while you're gone, to my two
loved ones- the first I'd look after, for the first time "i don't need to choose"-I'll go.
This is justice- your safety. Emotionally and spiritually. For all, i wont feel a thing.

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Many does not question “what they really want” enough to strive for them like it’s to be graded. If there’s such generosity in loving humanity painlessly, maybe I might feel the “happy” that he was talking about. I don’t know what to feel. Drealvler, take me away, 36th Sunday.14/11/10.

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