The day i never thought will come. FATE

1st May 2012.12:00PM.

FATE BROUGHT ME TO YOU
TO DO MY SELF JUSTICE:

10:00PM 30th April : My gut is filled with swear words

(How was i warned to be angry before anything happened?) FATE

I was up all night.
Mixed Emotions, tired, lost, Searching.And for once..
I was searching for inspiration.

I WAS UP ALLLL FUCKING NIGHT.
Literally, it has been at least 24hrs.
AND i found you.

J-A-C-K-P-O-T.

Anger and Excitement all in one.
With hate in my gut,
shaking my head & laughing under my breath.
I was about to be on my knees to my twin.
But i guess I'm the ONLY KING in this KINGDOM.
Son, You got nothing on me.E.v.e.r.

.5/1/2012.10:59:31 AM.

M: I'm fine with the truth, you just cant.
 Last chance: If you don't say anything by Sunday,
l'm burning everything

L.
Dont come back.

WITH ALL I HAVE LEFT,
I will learn to live honestly.
because i'm doing me. but you aint.
________________________________________________

Wasted Dreams.

Click 1# i have the urge to seek for something to distract my thoughts. and i cant seem to stay still. Every sentence i type on this page is every click i come back for not being able to focus or give my whole self to the subject...he said: " you stopped telling stories about yourself". And i thought to my self: " because nobody cares."...

Click2# I'm ashamed by the fact that i want to close my eyes even when i aint tired, just to dream of better things that reality cannot portray. At the same time aware that if nothing is done in reality, nothing changes...

Click4# and i still cant concentrate. Love? Romance? Perhaps my love isn't of faith and true will but of disappointment and habitual reenactment.

"A guy's biggest mistake is giving another man the opportunity to make his woman smile"-HpLyrikz " A woman's biggest idiotic mistake is giving the guy everything he never deserved"-lvL
 
And i told my self not to be stupid. Because they aren't as great as what you drawn in your mind, whom you wish was a fantasy figure in reality. They are only great because of your optimistic, giving self who enhanced their biography for you to believe they were more than who they were far from. They are stupid for not appreciating you. And you're stupid for giving. This formula might just equal 0. Cause there was nothing to begin with. You should be angry and disappointed. But at least its night time and you are alone with the truth where no one can get a hold of. You're facing what they cant stop. Its May.
 

The dream: A man who......

would only live and die for the same woman.
But he wouldn't.
...know what love means and puts sex last because your love is beyond all. But he never will.

...loves him self as much as he loves his woman because there is respect.
But there isn't.
...is spiritually driven, mentally strong but emotionally open. But he's not.
...can ignore the world because you are his universe. But he can't.
...sees what your eyes sees and speaks what your lip speaks.
But he doesn't.
...values romance and treat everyday like the first date.
But he doesn't care.
...knows its meant to be and fights for your smile every single day.
But he's over it.
...doesn't know he is beautiful because he is still nervous around you after a long time being together. But apparently not.
...embraces the present with you until present was the day you grew old together.
But he worries about his future.
...told you he cant buy time but stops it instead.
But it doesn't cross his mind.
...could try to be superman even if it was difficult.
But he doubts.
...could live with you like you never lived give like you've never given.
But he couldn't.
...who defines freedom yet give you all he' is until you mastered to fly without wings.
But he isn't.


Most importantly, the man of my dreams could only grant me one wish.
 His heart, not his brain. But he dint. 2am. And I'm dreaming with my eyes open.

Click 3# I'm fighting with myself. Why? I wish he was here. Why? because i trusted him. But... he would say: " I'm Not, superman, its late". That is when i knew. He was not the figure in my dreams. Because he thought of the world. Not me.

Its 3:33AM. And its still not easy.

dealvLoud.