love.ThersAllTypes.

"ones That last, ones that dont."

mb (4:30 AM): i know this is real, thts why it fucking hurts now. i hate what i did. but its too late.sorry wont do a thing.dont know where it all came from.i blew this one again and maybe theres no next time for you and i to talk again.i stopped showing that i care and love you knowing that theres someone there waiting for you.someone who can be there for you. someone who can save you when you're downsomeone who is better.

mb (4:37 AM): im never there.

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"I cant be sorry, if i knew i've done my part in staying true."

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I knew I had more important things to do, usually prioritizing what needs solving, like this…

forgetting everything else that might ruin more thing, I knew I needed to let things out my system, things about you, Milk Bapes.

Everything I say, do, choose, act, feel, create or decide will always hurt somebody in her life. I always questioned if that could just stop, perhaps being the reason to their contentment would’ve just been enough. “Who am I to say” you need me, need this;

Like one have forgotten that it doesn’t take no words of assurance to have them feel it’s there. “Who am I to say” means he have forgotten where he stand, why his there, means He have let everything from it seemed, wash his will away. “Who am I to say” tells me he forgot why he’s here. “Who am I to say” have “I’m nobody to you” written all over it. Perhaps that time I was thinking all these, and he dint know, never would know. Until I face my own demons, and face reasons to the tightening in the chest and crinkled forehead, just to say the every word I’ve fought myself to express.

It takes a lot, ever since. Closing my eyes and deeply searching for words, was the hardest thing to do. And I’m getting better at it as I try each time. He’s falling behind, leaning on the other side far from sincerity, cause I knew everything else around him wasn’t sincere to him till in time it’d be kicking in-taking my reasons away, taking my reflection, what’s part of me, who he was to me away.

But I knew it’s okay, cause he dint know this. He only thought about the things he couldn’t do, instead of things he have done for her. He thinks of Syl’s existence, like it’s because she loves him too, it’s because he can give her everything. Really? Is reality ever too close to any of our hearts? Does our purpose in life ever reflect everything that it seems? Do we really live for reality? Or is it the littlest reasons of hope a worthy one to hold on for? I’ve answered that and know the answer. Hope others would too, and no, cause lying to themselves give them nothing in return, yes perhaps it seems okay now to feel the loss, perhaps it seems okay to fail in attempt for the “no such happiness”.

 He told me one day, “m thankful that im happy” if he is really from the bottom of it all, no hidden meanings, without considering her welfare, just him, Its really enough for her to feel happy. I really mean it too when I say “if he ever let himself down, me MichelleLee ,once was cookie- will not forgive you, Milk Bapes.”I wish he could have the bigger side of him to want what he feels. Perhaps that long lost certainty is the only thing I’ve waited to witness. I really cant wait.. till he’s happy again. No I never liked milked bapes, Cause it have always been milky, the soft, delicate, merry, tender, optimistic and willing man, whose genuine, took my breath away. I was right for always knowing what to say, as long as i'm true i knew i'm right. Your wrong for saying all the wrong words, denying the need to confront me and tell me otherwise. Your wrong because you stopped being someone who mattered so much to me.

Its like that part of it was already taken away, and you were behind it, because you doubt something that doesn’t exist and you doubt who you were was ever the need to forget reality. Your wrong because you run. They were right to say: “The first who confront becomes the fool, the first one to fool, confronts the fool in them”. Both loses. We did our part. I’m sorry what I’ve been to you wasn’t enough to spread your own wings. Disappointment in me for chu.

“I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped”

that line ruins me. I hope it ruins you too. Cause if that’s what you thought of this. I’ll choose to forget everything. And Milk its okay, I’m only foolish for believing in you. Just don’t let your self down, cause I knew I’ve always bless that you’d be home soon someday at heart.

A drop of tear, cause to me this was real, the longest blink to keep the water glistening in her eyes, up the ceiling, she looks for a reflection … I’m a fool for truth. And you’ve let me down.It’s close to the tenth of October, 10. This is really important to me, no it wouldn’t be as much as it is to you, cause I wouldn’t know, like how I don’t know much bout him… Like he’s afraid of loosing something from the things he doesn’t say,I don’t know. 7months milk. 7months me being me trying to meet the real milk.

Push me away if you think I’m happier,your wrong again but it’s okay, if milk was certain in something, I’ll adapt to mirrors that. No I ain’t being robotic; I just want certainty from him. But perhaps I’m wrong for making you feel this way from the very start, if your better of being Milk Bapes, my reasons are wasted. I won’t forget today, The reason I had, the purposes I’ve faced, these numbers- define who we were, ten. I’m on one now.I've always seen you in my future.It wont change if one doesn't have "all is flux" installed in their system, but when all flux is expected, run from change, as though its for the better. Cause its alright because i love the way you don't say a thing.

The questions I’ve asked, the reasons I’ve needed; even a reflection can’t express. I’ll live blindfolded now, cause maybe a sincere person would lead me well. I never knew you needed words of assurance to know what is true. Perhaps this is the last time I’d ever admit. I’ve always loved you for who you were, not what they’ve made you become. Just don’t let yourself down. 10.03.10- 10.10.10.

But clock ticking, time aint waiting for her to trust a lost need to bloom.
Last words, you’ve always been there, in mind, at heart and memory.Good night world.

.M.L.M.