iiWontForget.17th-19thSept.

"I dont need audience, coz either way.
.run, fly, sprint, drive.. shes goin."

With the world, they say grow up; When I’m already on top of my grounds. They say it’s not enough, when I’ve already shed myself too much. They say change when all I do is go farther from the same place, they say communicate but when every time I try they won’t let me. Family, friends, people, world I’ve never let you down, you just won’t let me in. you don’t want to see what I see, you make ur own reality of me. They say equality, but there is none here. The closest ones are the farthest; the farthest ones are closest… I won’t mention names because it’s in my head and the truth hurts, despite all their then and there always… but I jst cant stay here any longer, it’s like trying to grow when ur the salt and they’re the bag of rice jst pushing down further as they shift around, u sink till someday u melt from heat down under despite how much u try. The worst thing is, after all the things I’ve done for many, they thought they deserved it, when I fall, they say I deserve it. I can’t say f u. cause it kills… cause the warm emotions are more delicate when its juggled upon cold rocks, I’m the emotion, and they’re throwing themselves on me. They would never…. Try. And with everything else..I have no need to keep. . on..

I say why, from all the flash backs of shit that stacked on me, and from all those time people said suck on it, take it, it’s your job not mine. For all times I’ve tried. I’ve always wondered what it’s be like to go. So I would be in corners and shadows watch the world fall, take my role, coz if u could do better than that, I’ll go. Far. And leave no note. But four words: “this is for you”.

People can only try this much, cause a constant free fall shatters their welfare. I’m a shadow to the things I do, say and create; because they never understood. Does that mean I’m dim-witted, unreliable, childish and blind about the world? The minute my words are spoken, the people are blind, deaf mute. the minute I’m me, they say u don’t belong. I’m too fragile now to know the solution, I know I got it in here somewhere, I need light, just a lil bit to fight...Right now no words can attempt the express what I’m feeling, so this.. to me… is nothing but plain words itself drowned with symbolic references to my relation.

Yes, you won’t understand, from the base of this. Because u never try.. nor do anyone come to me and wonder, cause they expect me to know the answers. I fall, I drown, I meet a car crash, and they say get up and keep going. And when u cry as u fall sick, don’t call my name, cause ur nothing but a dependant other. No better that u are, try to adapt to gain attention, no better that u are, do everything there is to get everything u cant and never will be. You say grow up to the oldest philosopher that u can barely understand and cries in ur room for not having a helping hand. All there is is luck in Ur life, just so in time u realize, luck does not exist and there are always draw back to Ur shit. So keep on keeping on, and u wont deserve this pretty “all that you got” any much longer. Your smarter coz u don’t give a shit, they call this smart. They call the one who gives a shit a dim-wit. Yes, you’re amazing; your god like trash that got u falling as a victim in society the minute you set foot off from home. That’s Ur drawback. I’ll wish u good luck to the luck that never existed. In other worlds, come on home crying after, because u can’t do it. Cause u let Ur friends down without knowing. Cause u never tried and ask why they’re going, Because u think u deserve everything and when u don’t get an inch worth u stomp on the ground and scream. I wanted to go ages ago. The minute u thought u had it all. Just to grant u your wish, coz you want to have a taste of all that shit out there, without having me to say: I told you so. I knew u had nothing, not in u, not out of you, not even ur whole self, and u don’t even know what is in that reflection you see every day. You forgotten everything that matters, and went for the ones that don’t, its great cause from doing this you’re smart. I’m ready to lose everything, ready on my own. You can barely breathe staying under no light, scare something would come out from the dark. For all the times I’ve tried for you, you took it for granted. For all the times I’ve been there , u tot that was the least u deserved. I wish u knew better about me, without me telling you much. But ur mind imprints, im just me- I just give two shits, fine fair, jst don’t act like u care to the rest just to get what u want. I wish I could say, you’re the reason to where I am today in the bright way, but on the other hand, you are the reason to why I’m giving up on you today. So thank you, this is for you.

You won’t read this, coz u barely give half a second to wonder, it hurts your brain, it make u yonder. I put on a mask to protect them; you put on a mask to protect you. U never considered who you are as damage to others have you? I have, so this is why, I’m the way I am, and you aint the way u are. Yes, since the day I dint trust ur ability enough to handle a truth, everything changed, u’re still here, unchanged and blind. Yes it changed, no us. Just u and just me. Despite what people think of “we”, everything all soo pretty, no, that’s for show, coz u do put on a good show. If u think everything will be okay, just don’t. It has been long… and u just never realized much as u never felt the need to. I’m gone, like somebody u hate, somebody u never met in ur whole life, somebody who u tried to hit a car with and ran, ran far like nothing happened. Goodbye warm heart and cold will. I’m practicing daily to tell me you’re nothing there is to be. See? Even this I need to try. As u’d just change ur own life in one second cause u never truly gave a shit about any, that how easy it is for you. You’re only lucky now.so good luck for layter

To the people, coz when im gone just carry on, dont mourn,
rejoince everytime you hear the sound of my voice,
you know that i'm looking down on you smiling,
and  i'didnt feel a thing so, youse dont feel my pain,
jst smile back.Coz when i'm gone, it'd be for youse.

now or never.Sincery yours, that you've ruined.
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